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I love words.  Some writers and speakers have the ability to string words together so eloquently  that they have the power to make you think and even experience things in a way you never have before.   I’m always playing songs for people and getting upset half way through when they start chatting with me, because I want them to get the “profoundness” (I even like making up my own words) of the lyrics.  Rarely, do I find someone with the same passion for words as myself.  There are some words however, that because of their repetition and monotony, just get old.   Those two words are “sorry” and “love”.   It’s sad because, I tend to think that these are probably the most important words in our language.  We tend to use them so flippantly and so frequently that the weight of them gets stripped away.

I’m guilty of it myself.  I tend to “love” a lot of things, starting with (but not ending with) the new shatter nail polish by OPI or the new Justin Bieber song, because I am a recent convert to his tribe and I am not ashamed…the list of “loves” goes on.  Then there is that word, “sorry”.  In kindergarten we were taught that that word pretty much fixes everything.

Spilled the milk?…”Whoops, sorry”

Smack your sibling in the face? Just, say  “sorry” and you get an instant pass out of your room.

Many of  us never grow past that, in spite of the fact that our offenses can be so much more offensive as we age. Nevertheless, we still use “sorry” as the duct tape to fix it.  After all duct tape fixes everything right?!  ( Not really.  You try ripping duct tape off of your chest when trying to hold up “your girls” in a strapless dress and see if you think that’s a good solution!!!!)

Every weekend in the majority of Toronto weddings that we shoot, there is a famous passage of scripture in 1st Corinthians 13 that is either read by the officiant or family friend. It says “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”  Those words have been flying over my head because it is so frequently quoted, but I spent time recently, thinking about it and wondering if the last time I said “love” in a purposeful way, if it actually rang true or was nothing more than a gonging or clanging in the soundtrack of our life.  I believe that what makes the word “love” or “sorry” ring true is when our actions convey their truth.  Our actions can be so much louder than the words that are coming out of our mouths. When what we do and how we behave does not support the phrases “I love you” or “I’m sorry” they hold little weight.  Simply, because our actions have been screaming the opposite  all day.  That’s when our words are nothing more than a clanging or a gonging.
It’s cliche, but it’s true… Love is a verb and so is  the word Sorry.

My Marriage Monday challenge  to all of us is to make sure that our actions don’t drown out our words.  I want my husband and everyone that I am in a relationship with to fully hear what I mean when I say “I love you” or “I’m sorry.

Here’s to making beautiful music in our relationships and not sounding like a bad percussion section in a high school band!

Toronto weddings

What a weekend!  We are well  into “summer shooting madness” and this week, we barely had a breather.  Since having our last baby, we’ve set it up so that I can work from home and be more present in the children’s lives, but this week, Matt needed some assistance.  I have to say, although stressful, it was so much fun to be back on the road assisting him on his shoots.  In two days we shot a maternity session, 2 engagement shoots and a Mendhi party.  As we dashed from event to event whenever I was asked, “How are you?” I would respond with “busy”.  Which was true, but doesn’t it seem like the word “busy” is now the expected answer to that question?  Then we follow up that question with a laundry list of activities that we’ve had to perform, which  in my house actually does include laundry and tons of it.

However, yesterday, as Matt was doing a wedding photography shoot for our friend’s bride to be in the morning (which was a total blast by the way…..the bags under my eyes are currently hanging at my ankles to prove it) I saw something completely refreshing.  She was totally relaxed, and taking everything in stride.  If that wasn’t surprising enough, while Matt was capturing her dress being done up, he said “Smile, you’re marrying Garnet today”.  We didn’t just get a smile in return, we got a genuine, fist pumping, radiant cheer and then she shouted “I’m so pumped, I’m marrying Garnet”. I know it sounds weird, but I almost started to cry when she did that.  How beautiful is that? Who wouldn’t want to be loved  by someone so much that the very  mention of your name makes them shout and fist pump?!  I was astonished at her ability to look past all of the busyness of the morning  and truly be in the moment.   It’s a common idea in our culture that we should,  send out good energy, and it’ll come back to us.  We may discuss the concept with each other, but it can seem difficult at times to put into practice.  The best way to accomplish it though, is with the words that are coming out of our mouth.  It’s actually an ancient truth.  In scriptures, such as James 3:4  the tongue is likened to the rudder on a ship and even though the rudder is so tiny it is responsible for steering a large vessel.

I learned that lesson in a tangible way yesterday.  Our friend’s lovely bride set the tone for the whole day with her positive words and attitude.  The potential for stress melted away as she steered the conversation from the regular talk about how hard planning a wedding is to how much she loved her groom and that she was going to enjoy every minute no matter how the day unfolded.  It made me think,  it’s all in the way we look at a situation. Some of us…and I’m talking to myself here, tend to focus on the stressful tasks of the day and turn them over and over in our minds until we get that whole high strung feeling whirring around us.  Then there are those who recognize it, but choose to meditate in their hearts, on the positive, and that’s what ends up coming out of their mouth.  Aren’t they the best people to be around?  It’s actually infectious.

So here’s my Marriage Monday challenge…let’s not answer the inevitable question of “how are you?” with “busy”.  Let’s not give our significant other a big old laundry list of how busy we were today and all the tasks that we had to do when we meet up after work.  Instead let’s be infectiously positive.  I challenge you and myself to see the “how are you?” question as an opportunity to send out some good vibrations! I think I’m even going to fist pump and cheer when Matt walks through the door tomorrow.

Happy Marriage Monday….a little late, but hopefully better late than never.

Cheryl

Engagement shoots Wedding photography